Tick Tock Tick Tock…Stop looking at the clock!

I find myself checking the clock, planning my minutes, constantly chasing after the ticking hands. Where did the time go? A question that I am forever asking. While I try not to dwell on the seconds, minutes, hours that have gone, it seems that I am always asking for a little more time. Being a fairly organised person as well as a perfectionist means that doing things to the standard I am happy with can take a lot of time. The focus at the moment-and for the next few months- is on school, revision and preparing for exams. I take my education seriously and want to do the best that I can, but it’s hard to strike the balance between achieving my best and not burning myself out.

I’m trying to be the best I can be- as a person, a friend, a student, a daughter, sister, writer and more. But there are negative thoughts itching to take over. You’re too shy.Oh, and boring. They say. You’ll never get enough revision done. Again and again. No one cares. But I know its not true. I have to remind myself that, or I begin to be sucked into the downward spiral. That’s when those thoughts build and build. I start hating myself. I get tired of being me. And then I hate that all I am thinking about is myself, wallowing in self-pity.

Stop! I tell myself. Just calm down, chill out, relax. Sometimes I wish I had a car to go out in, turn up the music loud and just drive without caring where I go. Every now and then, just imagining it is kind of soothing.

I need to stop more. I need to check my watch less. Time is going to move on whether I’m watching the minutes tick or not. I just need to accept that things are moving quickly and I have no control over that. Being on the verge of adulthood, yet seeming so far away from my dreams is a tricky time.

I’ve been listening to this song a lot. I’m not fully sure what the intended meaning is, but when I interpret it, I think about how life is short, like a short movie.

Also, when I think about driving, this song always creeps into my head